Who Helps the Helpers?
by J.P. D'Osty-Fernandez
Summary: Post-"Night." Casey Novak re-injures herself at work. Will Elliot and Liv be able to help her?


**Who Helps the Helpers?**

**-by J.P. D'Osty-Fernandez**

**-dedicated to all survivors of physical assault, that they may have the courage to rise again, and, as ever, to Diane Neal, the wonderful young actress who brings Casey Novak to life.**

**Standard: Disclaimer: The SVU characters belong to Dick Wolf, everyone else belongs to me**

"Davey…I'm touched…You're such a good pal!"

Casey looked down at the autographed Cal Ripkin rookie card her nephew had just offered her.

"But, Davey, I can't take this from you."

Davey's face, which had previously been sombre, was now sad almost to the point of tears.

"Why not, Aunt Casey?" the diminutive eight-year old asked, the hurt evident in his misting eyes.

"Because…come here, buddy...bring your chair closer…"

Davey got up and dragged his chair the intervening inches to Casey's bed, until his knees were knocking against the lowered rail. Then, he pushed his chair back, and stood up and into the embrace of Casey's right arm, which was coming around his back.

"Davey…I'm lucky to have such a good and considerate friend like you. It's not every man your age who would give up something so precious just to make his old aunt feel better.

"But, I know how important this card is to you. And I couldn't take it knowing that you would miss it badly one day. Remember how happy you were when we went down to Baltimore, and Uncle Jimmy introduced you to Cal Ripken, and when he signed your card?"

This elicited a feeble, tentative "Yeah" from Davey.

"Well, Davey, how could I take that happiness away from you?"

"But…you're not taking it away from me…I'm giving it to you because I love you."

"I love you too, Davey," Casey responded squeezing the boy with what strength she could muster and giving him a gentle, but firm up-down stroke on the back, "And just the fact that you love me and that we're good pals is the greatest gift you could ever give me."

Davey looked down.

"I guess so…" he said hesitatingly after a few moments. "I'm just sad that you're hurt again…"

"I know, Davey. I was sad too when you were hurt after you broke your arm. But, when I came to visit you and you told me 'Casey! I'm so happy to see you!' and you gave me that GREEEEATTT BIIIIG HUG with your right arm…well, Davey, that just washed my sadness away."

Davey considered this for a moment. "Were you happy to see me here too?"

"You bet, buddy! I was also happy when you came to see me at my apartment when I first got hurt too. It really made my day."

"It did?" the first hints of a smile came across Davey's face.

"Sure did, Davey! It was just like when I visited you after you broke your arm."

"But you were crying Casey. Why were you crying if you were happy?"

Casey smiled. "Grownups do that sometimes. Grownups do a lot of funny things. Sometimes, we're happy and sad at the same time."

"I don't understand…"

"Well…it's kinda like…well, you remember that time you got lost at the mall?"

"Uh-huh…"

"Remember when your Mom found you? You were crying, but you were very happy she found you, weren't you?"

"Yeah…that's right!... I understand now, Casey."

"I knew you would. You are a bright boy, Davey…which reminds me…I heard something about you that, I have to tell you buddy, kinda upset me."

Davey looked down. "You mean…when I hit those two bullies at school."

"That's right!"

"I'm…sorry, Casey…I saw what they were doing to the little kids…it made me think of that jerk that hit you…"

"That's OK, Davey, I mean that you were upset that those bullies were picking on smaller children. But getting into a fight doesn't solve anything. You probably didn't change those bullies' minds, but you got into a heap of trouble."

"But Casey…why are people so mean? Like those bullies and the big bully who hit you?"

"Because, their mommies and daddies probably didn't tell them it isn't cool to hit other people. Or, they got hit too much themselves. You see, when you get hit enough times, you start to think it's OK to hit people."

"But it's NOT! That's why I had to hit…"

Davey's voice trailed off. He realised what he had just said.

"See, Davey, when someone hits someone else, it doesn't stop anything, it just makes that someone else want to hit another person. People that hit other people are chicken. They take the easy way out. Holding back…well, that takes real courage…a MAN's courage…I think you have that courage, Davey!"

"Thank you."

"You're very welcome!" Casey's left eye squinted. "So, do we have deal, buddy? No more hitting other people?"

"No more hitting other people."

"Good."

Casey released Davey, brought her right palm up to her mouth and spat on it. Then, she offered her hand to the boy.

"Shake on it?"

Davey stood back just a little, spat into his right palm and then took Casey's hand. Casey let him pump once up down.

"Thank you, Davey! I'm glad to know you are a real man. Now, here is your card. Take good care of it for me, will you?"

Davey reluctantly took the card back.

"OK, Casey." He responded dejectedly, his head bowed so that almost all of what Casey saw was his neatly combed red hair.

"Davey, Davey… There's no reason to be sad! I am touched and honoured to have such a great nephew like you. I know you'll take good care of that card."

"I…will, Casey…will you get better?"

"Sure thing, buddy! Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I hit three home runs in a single game?"

"No…" There was a curious excitement in the boy's eyes now.

Just inside the door of the hospital room, partially obscured from Casey and Davey by the curtain, stood Elliot, Liv and a tall, slim, balding man in his early-to-mid forties.

"They seem to get on so well together."commented Elliot with a smile.

"Yes…Casey has a warm relationship with each and every one of her nephews and nieces." responded Roger Novak, Casey's eldest brother. "She is unique like that. Most younger adult siblings in large families resent being perpetually seated with the children—nephews and nieces—at large family gatherings. Casey loves it. She would not have it any other way. And she is simply wonderful with the children, both the boys and the girls."

Roger Novak smiled.

"In fact, when we visit my parents' house, the first thing David and his sister ask is "Is Aunt Casey here today?"

"Huh! That explains a couple of things." Said Liv.

"How so?"

"Well, when Casey first came to SVU, she wanted out real bad. We had a case involving a little girl. That really got to her. I can see why."

"Yes. She told me about that. I told her to get out of the DA's office. I could have very easily gotten her a position at my firm. We have plenty of clients who would have benefited enourmously from her expertise in white collar cases. But, she wouldn't have it."

"Uncle Jimmy got to her first!" declared Elliot.

Roger Novak turned to face him.

"I see Casey feels comfortable enough with her colleagues to share details of her family life." he said after a moment. "Your team has a quite enviable cohesion, from what I can gather."

"Thank you, Mr. Novak." responded Liv.

"Oh, please. Call me Roger…I must maintain an air of formality in my business and professional dealings. The way your unit looked after my sister and pursued the vile man who did this to her until he was apprehended…for that, the family is eternally in your debt."

"Just doing our job Mr….Roger." commented Elliot.

"In pursuing the criminal, yes. But, in watching Casey and being with her until Uncle James and I got here—that day and a half—that was more than just your job.

"You know, we were all worried when Casey decided to stay in New York after she got her degree. So far away from the rest of us, and such a dangerous place. She had good friends when she worked in white collar. But, a couple of months after she started working with sex crimes, she told us about your unit, you two in particular. That was very reassuring."

"She talks to you about work?" asked Liv.

"Not the details of the actual cases themselves. First of all, that would be professionally unethical since I am also a lawyer. She talks about the details to Uncle James, but she doesn't mention names. He is her father-confessor, if you will. They have been close since Casey was a child.

"But to me, and to the rest of the adults and the older children, she talks about you two quite often. She has the highest respect for you. Indeed, in the first few months, she said that having you two on her side was almost the only thing that kept her going."

"Really?" asked Elliot.

"Yes, indeed," responded Roger. "You may not have seen it on the surface. In fact, you may have seen just the opposite…"

Elliot nodded slightly. Liv's eyebrows went up.

"But that is Casey for you. She has a gruff exterior, but the people to whom she is the most abrasive are usually the ones she cares the most about."

There were a few moments of silence.

"Well, that's touching to know." commented Liv. "But…Roger…I have to be honest with you…We're worried about Casey. I mean, don't get me wrong, I really respect her for pulling through and getting up on her feet again to get this perp...

"But the trial ended almost a month and a half ago. Since then, Casey has thrown herself into her work. Her boss says she's the first one there and the last one to leave…"

Roger whipped his head leftwards until his eyes locked Liv's.

"You mean to tell me she's still working late at night at that place? After what happened?"

"Yes, but don't be alarmed. After…what happened…there was a huge turnover of the security personnel and a big change in policy. The guards have to ask for photo ID now, and they have to match the picture with the face. Visitors have to print their names and addresses in the log, and there is also a bailiff patrolling each floor. In fact, since then, they caught four would-be assailants who had targeted other ADA's."

"Little good that does Casey…but at least now she's somewhat safer."

"From being attacked at work, yes…" interjected Elliot "From herself…well…that's what we're worried about. Her boss too, and that's saying something…Donnelly is a complete political animal and a cold hearted bi—"

"Yes, yes, I know about that woman," Roger interrupted dismissively, before he struck at the main point. "But are you telling me Casey is neglecting her health again?"

"You mean she's done this before?" asked Liv.

Roger sighed.

"Casey grew up in a house full of boys. Of course none of us realized it at the time, but boys and men are socialised to 'bite the bullet,' as it were, when it comes to pain and injuries. We were the most omnipresent role models Casey had. Whenever one of us broke a bone, we gritted our teeth and said nothing, although it hurt terribly. Casey learned that from us. It almost got her killed once before."

"What?" exclaimed Liv and Elliot in unison.

"Yes…when she was fourteen, her appendix burst. She was obviously in pain, but she wouldn't say anything. It took both of our parents and all of us to confront her and tell her we knew she was in pain. We barely got her to the hospital on time."

"A burst appendix," noted Elliot "That's some stamina!"

"It is not to be admired…Detective…"

"It's Elliot, Roger."

"Thank you. It is not to be admired Elliot. That is something I really regret about our childhood…that we made Casey this way…"

Liv put a hand on Roger's shoulder.

"Roger, I'm not so sure you made Casey that way. She seems naturally headstrong to me. But, you've known her longer than we have. Can you talk to her and try to convince her to ease up?"

"I would like nothing better. I've known her for all her life, as you say, but she's also known me for a good part of mine…This is one of the saddest parts of my life, but Casey and I do not often see eye to eye. She always felt the need to best me when we were children, and that…competition…still burns brightly in her. She was deeply insulted when I offered her a guaranteed job at my firm when she graduated law school. Oftentimes we even fight over my children. Casey thinks I spend too much time at the firm…It is as if she is always trying to prove to me that she is just as good as I am, or even better than I am, despite the fact that she is a girl…I'm sorry, a young woman now."

"That's one hell of a burden…on both of you." observed Liv.

"Yes, it is…Liv. And, because of that, my words alone would have little impact on her. But, it has been even worse after this. We all tried to tell her she should take it easy. But she just snaps at us. We have tried several times. It just…hurts so much…"

There were a few moments of silence.

"But you two, you're her friends. I think Casey is closer to you now than she is to any of us. If you could tell her…I mean, it pains me very much to see her like this, despite our past disagreements…"

Tears rolled down Roger Novak's cheeks.

"And now, when she needs me the most…I can't help her!"

Elliot clapped a hand on Roger's back "I think we can help out here, Roger. Don't wipe those tears away. Just follow my lead."

"What do you mean?"

"Just take Davey out for a little bit…for an ice cream downstairs or something. But, let Casey see your face."

Roger, Liv and Elliot approached Casey's bed.

"Dad!" exclaimed Davey, turning to face his father. "Did you know that Casey hit three home runs and won the game for her team?"

"Yes, David…I did…come now, why don't we go for an ice cream and let Aunt Casey rest for a little bit."

"OK, Dad. Lemme get my coat."

Davey turned to Casey.

"Casey, do you want an ice cream?"

Casey looked back down to Davey. The distraught look on Roger's face had caught her attention.

"Sorry, Davey? Ah…ice cream? Thank you, but no, that's OK. Why don't you have one for me, buddy?"

"OK, Casey!" Davey gave Casey a tight hug, but one unusually ginger for a boy of his age. "I love you Casey!"

"I love you too, Davey!"

"I'll be right back!"

Davey scampered to the closet to get his coat. Casey turned back to her brother.

"Roger, what's wrong?" she asked, a tender concern palpable in her voice.

"Ah…it's been a long day, Casey, and we are all worried about you…I'll be back in a little bit."

Roger hugged Casey, and Casey reciprocated.

"See you in a bit, Big Brother!"

"Hi Guys!" Casey greeted Liv and Elliot after Roger and Davey had left. "Did you guys have a chance to talk to Roger just now?"

"Yes, we did, Casey." responded Elliot. "Like he said, he's very worried about you."

"Well, that's kind of him. But, like I told him on the phone, it's nothing really. I just threw out my back. I'll be out of here in a couple of days. No big deal. Still, nice to see him…and Davey."

"Uh, Casey, honey…it is a big deal."

"What do you mean, Liv?"

"Just how did you happen to throw your back out?"

"I was in the law library and there was this casebook I needed on the top shelf…"

"They don't have librarians anymore?"

"Of course they do! I'm just not going to go over to bother them when I can do something myself."

"You'd rather re-injure yourself than ask for help?"

This stunned Casey, but only for a moment.

"Well, geez, Elliot! Maybe I should have joined the pity party and sat on my behind crying, after I was attacked. That would have really helped to get Gabriel Duvall off the streets, now wouldn't it?"

"Casey…" Elliot looked down and softened his voice, "We're all grateful that you got back in the saddle so quickly and helped put Duvall away. Everybody knew you would do something like that, but still, we all admire your guts and stamina. I would have given you a Purple Heart myself if you were in my Corps.

"But, the problem is, Casey, Duvall's been at Rikers for a month and a half now…"

"Yes, exactly! And we still have other cases. I can't let up now. Remember what I told you that night? What Carsten Stroud's Marshal character says after he captures the bad guy? 'Bring out the next contestant.' "

"And Manhattan is a safer place because of that…it's a better place because of your devotion to duty." chimed in Liv. "But Casey, what about YOU?"

"What ABOUT me, Liv? What are you trying to tell me?"

"Casey, I…I…it just hurts to see you hurt like this. It really does…"

"And like I just finished telling you, I'll be out of here in a day or so. Geez! The way everybody's going on and on, you'd think I was just diagnosed with some kind of fatal disease…Come on, Liv! Do you really get this up close and personal with all your other victims like this?"

"Well, that's a start."

"What?"

"Admitting you're a victim."

"A wha—victim? I was attacked. I am a SURVIVOR, Elliot! NOT a VICTIM! Get that straight!"

"But you just said the word yourself…'all your other victims.' "

This disoriented Casey for a fraction of a second.

"Elliot, I am too tired for your semantic games."

"Yet, you expect to be back to work in a couple of days. If you can't handle my 'semantic games' as you call them, how are you going to handle Kressler or Whittaker, or Petrovsky or Terhune?"

"ELLIOT! You don't even have a law degree, so don't try to tell me my JOB!"

A sharp stab of pain caused Casey to stop and inhale shortly and quickly. Slowly, her breathing returned to normal.

"Look, Elliot…you're my friend, but you have issues. You're not doing either of us any good. Why don't we pick this up some other time?"

"Fine…if that's what you want…I'll see you sometimes. Bye!"

"Bye."

Casey waited until Elliot left the room.

"God! What's with him today?"

"A lot of things, Casey. He has this close friend who is in a bad situation. It reminds him of another close friend of his who was in a bad situation. And he can't do anything to help this friend either. And it just really eats at him…"

This brought a smile to Casey's face.

"You're talking about me and Alex, aren't you Liv?"

Their glances met. Liv held Casey's eyes in hers for what seemed like an eternity before she said anything.

"Yes, Casey…I am talking about you—"

"But, Liv, this is the THIRD time I'm telling you, now" Casey was firm, but more gentle now than she had been just before. "I'm OK…I'll be outta—"

"Casey!" interrupted Liv quite brusquely "Can you just listen to me for a couple of minutes? Don't talk! Just let me say what I have to say. Can you do that for me? Please? I'm asking you as a friend who loves you!"

This caught Casey completely unexpectedly. After a few seconds of shock, she simply nodded her assent.

"Thank you, Casey…Hu-HUH!"

Liv looked down, and started to head for the window. Then she turned back to face Casey.

"Casey, I'm not going to tell you that I—and everyone else in the squad, even Donnelly, for that matter—respects and admires you for bouncing back so quickly. It happens to be true, but every time someone starts off by telling you that, you jump on it to close the subject right there, end of story. So, I'm not going to give you a chance to do that again.

"Casey, you're in denial—"

Casey made to say something, but Liv's swiftly upraised hand stopped her just as if she were a motorist and Liv a traffic cop.

"Oh, sure you admit you were attacked. But that's it. You just admit it. Then you pretend like this is no big deal. Of course, you know deep down that that's not true, so you found yourself a drug, a little enabler to help your denial. Some vics use alcohol, some use crack, you use work.

"And don't tell me how many cases you've won since then—that has nothing to do with it. Sure, you put bad people away and made it right for the vics.

"But that has nothing to do with it. You're a workaholic, Casey. I've known you for about two years now, and I know you give every case your all, but since Nina Zegrin's brother, it hasn't been about that at all. You're using work to get high just like a crackhead does with crack."

Casey exhaled sharply. Her pain was not physical. Tears rolled down her eyes.

"You think that hurts, Casey?" asked Liv rhetorically, fighting her own tears with every ounce of strength "How do you think it is for Elliot and me? And Fin? And Munch? And Cragen?...we just lost Alex…again…and now we have to go through the same—DAMN—thing all over again! Two times in almost as many years! How do you think that makes us feel?"

The tears were flowing from the eyes of both ladies now.

"But…Liv…" Casey forced herself in between painful sobs "I'm not going anywhere…I'm…GOING…to get better…why won't anyone believe…me?"

"Physically…yeah, maybe…" conceded Liv, but only briefly as she brushed the tears away "But only until the next time you injure yourself because you won't take the time to heal."

"But…the doctors cleared me, Liv. I'm OK to go back to work, and I was even before Tracey had the grand jury…"

"No, Casey, you're not. Physically, you're OK. You wouldn't have any more physical problems if you weren't pushing yourself so hard because you're fighting having to deal with this."

"Well, Liv…" Casey's voice was a hoarse whisper now, a hoarse and fierce whisper. "Did you ever think that I might not be READY to 'deal with this' right now?"

"Your body won't hold out much longer the way things are now. If that happens, then where will the vics be? Look, I'm sure Kibre is good at homicide, but you know that she almost lost Duvall a couple of times over. And how long is it going to take us to break in a new Sex Crimes ADA? I'll tell you how long. Probably long enough to let several Gabriel Duvalls walk. Do you want that to happen Casey?"

Casey looked down. The tears were flowing again. So were Liv's.

"And Davey, Casey. And Little Tommy. And all the children who look up to you and love you? What is going to happen to them if they lose you?"

Casey started bawling. Liv could not take it any longer. She rushed to Casey's side and gently gathered her in both her arms. Casey buried her face into Liv's left shoulder. Her right arm limply came around Liv's back, but her right hand grasped Liv's right side tight. Liv squeezed Casey back in return, her left hand moving up until it rested on the back of Casey's skull, gingerly, because this was still a sensitive area, but firmly enough for Casey to know it was there, in the manner of the netting below a trapeze artist.

Both ladies cried for several minutes. They held on to their embrace even after the crying turned to sobbing and after the sobbing began to slowly fade away.

"Wha—wha—what do I have t-to do?" Casey finally choked the words out.

"You've just taken a very important first step honey…Do you know Liz Olivet?"

"Yeah…" Casey relaxed her hold around Liv. Liv mirrored her, and then stood a foot back. Both of them wiped the streaks of the tears away from their faces. "Tracey had her do a 730 on Gabriel Duvall…"

"That's right. Thirteen years ago, she was sexually assaulted herself."

"What!"

"Yes. She had recommended a friend to this gynecologist who drugged and raped her. Liz didn't want to believe it, so, she went to this sleazebag herself. He drugged and raped her too. She had a hell of a time getting the DA to nail the bastard, but he did at the end.

"But, the thing is, she went through something similar. It took her time, but she worked through it. Slowly. Heck, a few years later, she even had a kid.

"So, she is ready to help you through this."

"But, she works for the department…is it a good idea?…I mean, we have a working relationship…"

"You know Mike Logan over at Major Crimes?"

"Yah, I know Mike. Good detective. Kinda sad man. Cragen was his Lieutenant once"

"Fourteen years ago, Mike's partner, Sergeant Max Grievy was killed in the line of duty. Mike almost—almost did an Elliot on the perp. Cragen sent him to Liz, and she helped him work through it. So, there's no problem there."

There were a few minutes of silence.

"Well…thanks Liv…But Liz must be booked, I mean…"

"Liz knows what happened to you, Casey. She's got an opening for you whenever your back recovers."

"Did you set that up?"

"Liz approached us. She said she tried to talk to you, but that you brushed her away. She told us "Whenever Casey's ready, just let me know, and I'll make space for her."

"That's…very kind of Liz…and you, too Liv…especially after all the crap I just gave you and Elliot…oh, God! Elliot…what did I do to him? All those nasty things I said…"

"Casey, it's all right. That part, we're actually used to. It was your denial and the self-destructive path you were on that was killing us."

Casey looked down.

"God, Liv…I'm sorry…I didn't mean to…after everything you guys did for me…I am SO sorry…"

"Apology accepted Casey. But, you have to work at this…and every day too. It's going to be rough, I'm not going to lie to you about that. But we all need you Casey. We need you because we love you. I know how Elliot opened up to you, and I remember how you risked your career for me in the Eldridge case, and how you reached out to me personally after Donnelly suspended you for doing right by Carrie Eldridge. We couldn't let you go on like this. We just couldn't…"

"Well, thank you, Liv…thank you for caring…I'll…try…"

Casey looked up to Liv, locking her eyes in her stare.

"Will you be there for me, Liv?"

"Absolutely, Honey! Every step of the way! If you want to get better and make a genuine effort, there is nothing I or Elliot or the rest of the squad—or your family—WON'T do to help you. You remember that!"

Liv extended her right hand towards Casey, the tips of her fingers pointing straight ahead instead of being tilted slightly downwards. Casey's hand met hers. Their right thumbs passed each other, and then came right around the base of the other's metacarpal bone, the web of their right hands, backed by the metacarpal bone of their index fingers coming around the left. It was a "bro" grip, and a tight one.

"Thanks Liv!"

The two friends looked deep into each other's eyes.

"Mike Logan worked for Donnie fourteen years ago? Gee…I wasn't even in high school then."

A look of mock shock swept across Liv's face.

"I don't know if I should rejoice because the old Casey is making a comeback, or if I should tell you you're lucky you're in a hospital bed already, young lady!"

Grins broke across their faces, and they began to giggle.


End file.
